Are you searching for the difference between envy and jealousy? You are not alone. While these words are often used interchangeably, they are distinct feelings that can severely impact your peace of mind.
In our connected world, friends and families often suffer conflicts that, when examined closely, are rooted in these two toxic emotions. If you want to understand what you are feeling and learn how to overcome it, keep reading.
What is the Difference Between Envy and Jealousy?
To overcome these emotions, you must first understand what they actually mean. While they feel similar, they occur in different contexts.
1. Envy: "I want what you have."
Envy is a reaction to lacking something. It relates to being uneasily interested in another person's position, possessions, or advantages. It is a two-person dynamic: You and the person who has what you want.
- The feeling: "I wish I had their car, job, or talent."
- The root: Self-centeredness and a feeling of inadequacy.
2. Jealousy: "I’m afraid of losing what I have."
Jealousy is a reaction to the threat of losing something (or someone) you already possess to a third party. It involves fear, anxiety, and protection.
- The feeling: "I am worried that my partner likes that person more than me."
- The root: Insecurity, fear of abandonment, and possessiveness.
In short: Envy is about getting; Jealousy is about keeping.
Why Do We Feel Envy and Jealousy?
It is easy to fall into the trap of comparison. We often feel envy when we believe we aren't "good enough" or that we lack the resources others enjoy.
Jealousy, on the other hand, becomes clearer when pictured in a relationship. In a circle of three people, one person may feel threatened that the second person will be stolen away by the third.
These emotions often stem from:
1. Fear of Failure: Thinking that someone else's success implies your failure.
2. Insecurity: Believing you are not worthy of keeping your relationships or attaining success.
3. Comparison: Measuring your "behind-the-scenes" struggles against someone else’s "highlight reel."
Make no mistake: Envy and jealousy work together to poison the mind. If left unchecked, they lead to bitterness and broken relationships.
6 Ways to Overcome Envy and Jealousy
When these emotions arouse, what do you do? Remember, while you cannot always control the initial feeling, you can always control your reaction. Here is a roadmap to emotional freedom.
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
Envy and jealousy are normal human emotions. However, they become toxic if ignored. The first step to healing is admitting, "I am feeling envious right now," or "I am feeling jealous." This honesty creates a gap between you and the emotion, allowing you to manage it rather than be controlled by it.
2. Identify the Root Cause
Once you have acknowledged the feeling, ask yourself why it is there.
Are you envious because that person has the career you always wanted? (This reveals a personal goal you should work on).
Are you jealous because you feel insecure in your relationship? (This reveals a need for communication).
Understanding the root cause turns a negative emotion into constructive data.
3. Talk to Someone You Trust
Don't bottle it up. Speaking to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can help de-escalate the situation. Vocalizing your envy often takes the power away from it and helps you gain a rational perspective.
4. Focus on Your Own Accomplishments
Comparison is the thief of joy. Instead of looking at your neighbor's grass, water your own. Remind yourself of your unique journey, your personal wins, and the obstacles you have overcome. Use your own history as motivation, not someone else's present.
5. Practice Radical Gratitude
When we are jealous or envious, we are hyper-focused on lack. Gratitude forces our brain to focus on abundance.
The Shift: Instead of dwelling on what someone else has that you don't, list three things you possess right now that you are thankful for. This simple mental switch helps put life back into perspective.
6. Let Love Lead (A Spiritual Perspective)
For many, the ultimate antidote is spiritual. We know that true love is neither jealous nor envious.
As stated in 1 Corinthians 13:4 (AMP): "Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious..."
When you feel the "boil" of jealousy, try to embody the spirit of love, which celebrates others rather than resenting them. Walking in love is not just a moral choice; it is a pathway to personal peace.
Conclusion
Envy and jealousy are common in today's competitive world, but you do not have to live in their cages. By understanding the difference between envy and jealousy, acknowledging the root causes, and practicing gratitude, you can shift from bitterness to joy.
Morality is a good start, but a transformation of the heart is the finish line. Choose to let love take the lead.
